Fuu~ What a day!

Sometimes, it's just good that we hear the truth. We don't need to worry what the other will think. No need to be afraid of the consequences. No need to hide anymore...

Sometimes, when the truth comes, it just must be accepted. Nothing can be changed unless you agree to being a psychopath. It's just the way things are. The better you accept it, the less pain you feel.

Sometimes, having an open heart can make you accept things easily. You can smile and say, "Yea, it's ok". Even though your feelings inside are mixed up as if it had just gone through a blender. All mixed up. Until you can't see which is which. Can't differentiate sorrow with happiness. Can't see the anger hidden within.

I wonder how I can be so calm after hearing such shocking stuff. Is it because after reading "Monster" and seeing how Mr Grimmer is, no feelings at all, I choose to be like him? To bottle up my feelings? I am afraid. Afraid of the day, should I have no control over my feelings, they will pour out, not like milk trikling from a bottle, but like the raging floods. I am afraid. To have no control over them at all. That's where you should come out. That's the scene you appear to control the monster in me.

Am I betrayed?
Am I to open?
Am I feelingless?
Am I not accepting what I should accept?
Am grieving inside while smiling outside?
Am I myself?
Or am I acting?





I don't know.

It's good to accept things as they are. And thank God for everything you've been through. Thank God for allowing honesty and truth to prevail. Wouldn't want to be the last to know.